annoyingbloqqer:

life hack: kill everyone except ur crush so they’re forced to date u

generalbooty:

yeah so i slept with this dude last night and idk we were chatting a bit  during the sexy time and for some reason his birthday came up and i was like “wait 25th of september? DUDE me TOO, wtf thats such a coincidence” and he was like “really? we have the same birthday? are u fuckin with me?” and i just looked down at his penis literally inside my vagina and was like “well technically yeah” and he was like haha nice one and high fived me

tightvaginas:

three things i’ll say in awkward situations:

  • hahahahah
  • omg
  • idk

sassy-spoon:

danielkanhai:

how many times do you think you’ve seen the same bird twice.

out of all the things on this website that have fucked me up this is one of the worst

qozxe:

if i stay in bed i’ll be warm

if i get in the shower i’ll also be warm

but the distance between the bed and the shower

no

that is not warm

warpedesto:

do you ever just

make a friend and think

I am so glad this friend is mine

(Source: destoxicity)

queenchrissycumberbatch:

my friendship comes in 3 levels:

1) sass 

2) insults

3) inappropriate sexual humor.